Quiets the Voice of God

Though I attempted to suppress it, I could never forget the epiphany that dawned with my first terrible hangover.  I was around 16 years old and had spent the previous night drinking heavily with my best friend, her older brother, and his buddies.  My friend and I were deeply religious self-proclaimed “Jesus Freaks,” and though I walk an alternate spiritual path today, I still warmly recall many of the Jesus-teachings I so valued.

Yes, I realize now and did even then that binge-drinking with older dudes in a hot tub was in direct conflict with my values.  But, hey:  forgiveness, right?

Anyway, back to the morning after this debacle.  I woke with a splitting headache, waves of nausea, and deep-seated guilt.  As I walked to work sweating from heat and hangover, I replayed the events of the night in my mind.  I had crossed lines of morality that I won’t delve into here other than to say they were HARD NOs to sober-me.

How could “Drunk Me” be so different than . . . ME? I pondered the question with a heavy heart and dawning understanding of how my, then already-deceased, lifelong-alcoholic-mother may have gotten so out of control.

I began the replay reel of the night at my first drink, and remembered (quite as suddenly as if it was a clear glass door I was slamming into) a ringing thought I had a few sips in, once the buzz began:

“Alcohol quiets the voice of God!”

I remembered thinking this and looking around at the small party, weighing my options.  Stop now and miss out on the forbidden, naughty fun, or power through the initial guilt? I put the thought out of my head and gulped the drink.

Now, nearly 15 years later, that thought has crept back into my psyche and will not be ignored.  I am a mother this time.  I no longer binge-drink, and haven’t done so for at least the two years it’s been since my life changed with that pink + on the pee stick.  But I do enjoy a little wine nearly every night.

“Alcohol quiets the voice of God.”

I’m not a Christian, but I am a spiritual person with a deep – deepening – connection to what I now call the Universe, or sometimes Goddess, magic, energy, or even on occasion simply “god.”  I can no longer rely on forgiveness alone to wipe away my sins.  Instead, I focus on creating the crops I wish to harvest:  kindness, love, compassion, honesty, joy, abundance, freedom, and peace.

My Consciousness Cleanse is all about discovering my most authentic place of personal power; I am embracing my higher self – the creator who lives in me and in each one of us.  I intend to see a drastic, exponential increase in my ability to manifest, intuit, and connect.

I want to turn up the sounds of the Universe! What will I hear without anything getting in the way? How clear will my intuition become? What deeper truths and understanding will I discover? What will manifest when I can clearly, unabashedly, directly communicate with Creative Force?

I don’t know.  But – goddess damn it – this time I plan to hear it loud and clear!

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