Though I attempted to suppress it, I could never forget the epiphany that dawned with my first terrible hangover. I was around 16 years old and had spent the previous night drinking heavily with my best friend, her older brother, and his buddies. My friend and I were deeply religious self-proclaimed “Jesus Freaks,” and though I walk an alternate spiritual path today, I still warmly recall many of the Jesus-teachings I so valued.
Yes, I realize now and did even then that binge-drinking with older dudes in a hot tub was in direct conflict with my values. But, hey: forgiveness, right?
Anyway, back to the morning after this debacle. I woke with a splitting headache, waves of nausea, and deep-seated guilt. As I walked to work sweating from heat and hangover, I replayed the events of the night in my mind. I had crossed lines of morality that I won’t delve into here other than to say they were HARD NOs to sober-me.
How could “Drunk Me” be so different than . . . ME? I pondered the question with a heavy heart and dawning understanding of how my, then already-deceased, lifelong-alcoholic-mother may have gotten so out of control.
I began the replay reel of the night at my first drink, and remembered (quite as suddenly as if it was a clear glass door I was slamming into) a ringing thought I had a few sips in, once the buzz began:
“Alcohol quiets the voice of God!”
I remembered thinking this and looking around at the small party, weighing my options. Stop now and miss out on the forbidden, naughty fun, or power through the initial guilt? I put the thought out of my head and gulped the drink.
Now, nearly 15 years later, that thought has crept back into my psyche and will not be ignored. I am a mother this time. I no longer binge-drink, and haven’t done so for at least the two years it’s been since my life changed with that pink + on the pee stick. But I do enjoy a little wine nearly every night.
“Alcohol quiets the voice of God.”
I’m not a Christian, but I am a spiritual person with a deep – deepening – connection to what I now call the Universe, or sometimes Goddess, magic, energy, or even on occasion simply “god.” I can no longer rely on forgiveness alone to wipe away my sins. Instead, I focus on creating the crops I wish to harvest: kindness, love, compassion, honesty, joy, abundance, freedom, and peace.
My Consciousness Cleanse is all about discovering my most authentic place of personal power; I am embracing my higher self – the creator who lives in me and in each one of us. I intend to see a drastic, exponential increase in my ability to manifest, intuit, and connect.
I want to turn up the sounds of the Universe! What will I hear without anything getting in the way? How clear will my intuition become? What deeper truths and understanding will I discover? What will manifest when I can clearly, unabashedly, directly communicate with Creative Force?
I don’t know. But – goddess damn it – this time I plan to hear it loud and clear!